As parents, we want our children to improve in their behaviour, make good grades, and clean up their messy rooms. It's nice to have high expectations and goals for our kids, but sometimes our correction can turn into criticism, and when this happens they don't get the encouragement they need.
Consistent focusing on what our kids have done wrong rarely works to improve learning or motivation at school. Similarly, comparing them to a sibling ("Why can’t you be more responsible like your sister?"), name-calling ("You are just lazy and childish"), and overreacting to mistakes are poor motivators.
Most children really want to please their parents, and discouragement and frustration set in when they think that no matter how hard they try, they won't be able to please Mom and Dad.
It's important to establish a home base where kids know they're accepted and loved not just for what they do (their grades, sports wins, and achievements) but who they are (the valuable person who is your son or daughter). We can always find fault since kids are works in progress, but encouragement to children is like what sun and rain are to flowers — vital and necessary if they are going to grow and bloom as they were created to.
In fact, studies show that students who are successful learners have parents who are involved in their lives and have built strong, loving relationships with their kids, set limits, and spend time together. This is because emotional security (the foundation of which is a loving, trusting relationship with parents) is at the core of students' motivation systems and what experts call their "availability to learn." There's a high correlation between emotional insecurity and the turmoil it produces in a child's heart and mind, and his inability to learn in the classroom.
At home
Encouraging children's efforts spur their learning. When a child grows up in a home with loving parents and an atmosphere of encouragement, it fosters mental growth. How can you apply this to your child and your home environment? When your daughter brings home a math test with a score of 82 (but you wish the grade were 90), you could say, "That's a real improvement, Honey; you got six points higher than last week."About school
When her team doesn't win the debate, you could praise her efforts and the preparation that went into the event. When she does well and makes a high grade, praise effort, not just her intelligence. Research shows this stimulates more effort; but if we tell kids they are geniuses and the smartest person in the class and then they make a lower- than-expected grade, they'll reduce their efforts and thus learn less on the next unit of study.So, when the school year begins, getting off on the right foot is important. Meet the teacher and let her know you're involved in your child's education at home. Help your child get organised and use study methods that work for him and build on his strengths.
Then, if a problem hits in math, science, writing, or another subject, you and your child tackle the problem together and come up with a solution to get her back on track. You don't waste time over- focusing on mistakes but notice what she's doing well or trying hard at and praise her for that. You don't have to wait till the highest score on the exams is made to encourage the right actions.
In a sense, you become your child's best encourager because if you don't accept and encourage your kids, they'll find someone who will, and that person might encourage them to embrace values that you don't share.
